The personal rise and fall of spirituality and connection to source

It’s been over 2 months since my last post and I’m not unaware of it.  I’ve been aware as each month came to its end that I haven’t written something.  At first it made me nervous – like my interest might be waning and got me to pondering.  Actually it’s been several months since I meditated and several months since I practiced yoga.

On a practical level the weather has been pretty dull over the last few months.  We’ve had the cold of winter – not *that* cold in relative terms but I had taken my yoga stuff out of the yoga shed and brought it into the house as it was getting damp and cold in the shed.  The last time I had gone down to the yoga shed to do yoga I had not enjoyed it at all – it was cold and I wasn’t feeling it.  The last time I had sat and meditated in the alder grove it had also been cold and sitting still in a place getting cold really didn’t seem like that good of an idea.  It was also more visible from the road since the cover of the trees and bushes had disappeared as they lost all their leaves.  It felt more exposed and I was just aware of that as I satm – it did interrupt my focus.

And so, with my places of spiritual connection feeling somewhat closed off to me, I felt a withdrawal in general from my spiritual practices.  A hibernation if you will.  It’s not like I don’t have other spaces.  I have my wonderful witchy shed that would be absolutely perfect for meditation and rituals.  It has a fire, my altar, it’s a wonderful feeling space.  And yet…..I didn’t feel drawn to do that.  I remember Samhain perhaps being the last period I felt really close to connecting before it started to fade.

I have often heard friends and acquaintances express their worries that their connection had weakened or felt lost to them for periods – and I often heard reassurances that this was normal and happens to everyone.  I heard the phenomenon likened to waves or even an ellipse – coming closer and then further away from the source.  For me, certainly this year, it has felt like that for me – in time with the seasons.  Like the earth circling the sun.  In the warmer months I felt closer to the source, to my connection.  As the months grew darker and colder, my connection seemed to stretch further away.

I decided to let it be.  Not to force anything and to simply witness with curiosity and notice how it unfolded.

And so, with Imbolc upon us and the buds starting to appear on the trees I can feel it’s return.  Gradually, I can sense a turn and it is gradually sliding back closer to me as the nights become shorter and the mornings grow lighter, the evenings grow longer.  I really can feel the joy in knowing that spring is coming and my connection is returning.

Interestingly I have several things to write about, which I could indeed have written about at any point in the last couple of months.  But there we are, I didn’t.  That’s OK, I feel motivated to write about them now and so they will come.


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